New Year's Resolution

So... This blog is written at a suitably silly time in the morning, while I'm suitably dosed up on sleeping pills, and only have 20 mins to write this before they render me completely unconscious!

Anyway...

Why do people make new year's resolutions? Apparently, a new year means a new start, and all that razz... For my 18 year old brother, it was to give up smoking. My 12 year old brother was to do more homework. Mum was to give up alcohol. And dad was to start dieting.

Nearly two months into the new year, 18 year old bro smokes just as much, mum still fixes up a fair few drinks every night, and dad still stuffs his face with crisps and other junk food. It's only the 12 year old bro that has stuck to his resolution.

Me? Well, for years I've made new year's 'wishes' instead. You can call it laziness or general avoidance for dedicating myself to change, but to be honest, up until 23rd December 2011, I never thought there were ways I could improve appearance-wise, or even habits-wise. My self-esteem falters on occasion like any girl but I think I'm pretty; averagely pretty, but pretty none-the-less. I'm not over-weight, I take regular walks around my student village and I watch what I eat, so I don't need to diet or exercise. I don't smoke, do drugs, and very rarely drink. And the only things that I'd want to change physically I'd have to opt for cosmetic surgery! But you know what... By the end of 2011, and the start of 2012, I was pretty okay with myself. I didn't think there was anything to change physically.

But then I realised: There's that word again. Physically. Perhaps I had an overall acceptance of myself physically (okay, my boobs are tiny and I wobble in places I'd rather not wobble - and yes, I have a bit of a pot-belly! But I'm okay with all of this.) but I never realised... Maybe there was something I could change, but maybe attitude-wise, or behaviour-wise.

So, as I said, 23rd December 2011 - I'd already decided on my resolution. And I put it into motion straight away, granted it took a few days for me to be able to get adjusted; and on new year's, instead I made the resolution to stick to my resolution! It's pretty clever when you think about it; too often, too many people depend on new year's day to decide that THIS is the time for change. And then when it finally arrives, the resolution is already as good as broken. A new year doesn't always mean a new you; a new year doesn't always mean a good change. This is why I started early.

"But Beth," You might ask, "Pray tell, what is your resolution??" Because it's all well and good that I say I put it into motion before new year's, and still going on with it now. It's been the most successful resolution I've ever made. It certainly is a desirable resolution, though, and I'm really surprised that it's worked so well, since I've never been able to control this before. But what exactly is it?

I often hold back from revealing new year's wishes or new year's resolutions for fears it would break the value; I've never been superstitious, but perhaps in some way I'm worried of jinxing it if I tell anyone. If more people know about it, more people will keep track. More people will be on my back (I'm a poet and didn't know it, huuurrr!), and that was really something I didn't want - I wanted to handle it myself, without people saying "So Beth, how's the resolution going??". But I confided in my dad -who, bless him, he's still trying to resist crisps- and he said it was "a fantastic resolution". Which was music to my ears, since dad doesn't always have a positive approach towards resolutions.

"BETH!" I hear you cry "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SAY IT!". Obviously you're very keen. ;P But it's not actually worth the build-up. Basically, my resolution is this:

To be a better 'me'.

My definition of this: Care-free. Easy-going. Not to let things bother me as much as they used to. To understand that there is more to things below the surface (not in regards to people; I study people as part of my degree! I know there's more beneath the surface!).

And this sounds a bit topsy-turvy, but I've also decided to view things in a 'glass half empty' approach. Stick with me on this: I've now decided that, in certain situations (emphasis on CERTAIN), I will expect the worst-case scenario. For instance, if I'm saving up for something in particular that I really need (my new netbook for instance!), I will EXPECT that by the time I have enough money for it, it will no longer be in stock; for me, this would be the worst-case scenario - and also known as the infamous Murphy's Law! But by expecting the worst-case scenario, it holds back from too much disappointment when and if it actually happens, since that was what I predicted ("Ohh I knew that was going to happen!") - but if it just so happens to remain in stock, I can feel a sense of euphoria, I suppose, in the fact that I was pleasantly wrong ("Wow, I feel so lucky that I was able to get it!"). So, can you see how I can take a negative situation, and instead, try to gain as much positivity -or at least reduce the disappointment/frustration from the negativity- from it instead? It's a healthy approach! Try it yourself! :)

Anyway, since my tablets are FINALLY kicking in (*glances at box* YOU SAID 20 MINS!!), I'm going to call this a day. But just wanted to try and give you all a little comfort and a little insight. Stop bringing yourselves down if things go wrong. And don't worry about hitting rock bottom - because rock bottom is a solid ground, and the only way to go from there, is up...

(*cue vomming of soppiness of proverb!*)

Never wait for a moment like new year's day to make a change that you NEED to make, be it for physical or mental health, or simply kicking a bad habit. If it's a desired change, MAKE the change. BE the change. Go out into the world and seize what you want and what makes you happy, before you lose it!

But remember, it doesn't hurt to take the pessimistic approach every once in a while. If you expect the worst-case scenario, you can prepare for the worst-case scenario and this will then 'lessen the blow', and then you can be pleasantly surprised if actually the best-case scenario happens instead! If you expect the best-case scenario, however, you'll be sourly disappointed if it doesn't go that way.

Even in my sleepy state, you know I'm talking some kinda sense. ;P

And as a heads-up:

Don't waste your time making new year's wishes - they hardly ever come true!